Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
