Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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