You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
