Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize