Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
