my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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