The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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