Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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