Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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