you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
