She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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