i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
