Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
