i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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