Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
