omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
