You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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