I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
