Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
