i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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