Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
