my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
