How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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