margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
