One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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