i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
