I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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