i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
