he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
