I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
