I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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