Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
