I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
