paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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