Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
