He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
