I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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