Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
