belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
