nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
