i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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