i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
