I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
