i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
