I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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