Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
