I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize