Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
