Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
