if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my liver is dry heaving
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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