i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
