he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
