So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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