yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
