i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize