guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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