Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize