We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
