So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How's work?
Spinning.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
