____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
