My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
