I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
