Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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