Jerry, you need to find god
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
