I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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